October 8

Chapter 4- Stay Out of Oz

Remaining Grounded Amid Chaos. Now that is a very difficult thing to do for me. I seem to feed off the negative energy and get sucked right in. This is very evident if you have ever seen me deal with my oldest son, something that I am not very proud of. How will I stay out of that “tornado” of negative? Well, the author has some ideas to help us stay focused on the task, stay grounded in the truth and not get sucked in. We need to regulate our own emotions-stay in our “upstairs” brain- creating a calm environment for ourselves within this terrible situation. I guess you could say we need to be the eye of the hurricane- while everything is being cast aside and thrown about by the dis-regulation of the student or other person with whom we are working, we need to be that calm spot, where we are not allowing the winds and the rain to take us in and force us down the negative spiral out of control. During this storm, it is our job to encourage that student or person to join us in the eye of the storm. To come back to a regulated self, a place where they can think clearly once again.

 

Kristin Souers reminds us that we need to acknowledge our triggers and learn to manage them in healthy ways. My trigger is my son requiring me to tell him the same thing over and over again before he follows through, and even then I have to use my yelling voice. Now that I know this is a trigger, how can I manage it in a healthy way. I know that my son needs that time to transition between tasks. It might be helpful for him to have a timer that gives him a gentle reminder to move over to the next activity. Even still, using this as a potential strategy, I know that I am still going to have to acknowledge how I am feeling about the situation and get myself in check before proceeding further with my boy. I also know that I need to give myself permission to  make mistakes along the way, as I am a work-in-progress as a parent and parenting, along with teaching, is very hard. The one thing I do know, is that I do not want to be contributing to my child’s ACEs by creating an environment of hate and discontent daily for him.

What are your triggers in the classroom or in life in general?

How might you keep yourself calm when one of these triggers presents? How will you stay in your upstairs brain?


Posted October 8, 2017 by tiebcmembers in category Fostering Resilient Learners

9 thoughts on “Chapter 4- Stay Out of Oz

  1. Rhonda

    One of my triggers is when students just sit there. They sit there because there are no more sharp pencils at their table. They sit there because I didn’t hand them their work. They sit their because they don’t know the instructions. All of this drives me crazy! Where’s their initiative? Why aren’t they getting to work?

    My students last year had the opportunity to work with our school counsellor on the Zones of Regulation. With this in mind, we watched the Disney show, “Inside Out”. I love that movie for teaching students about emotions. Now in my class, there is a poster of the different colours/emotions and strategies to help ourselves get back to joy. Ideally when I start to feel myself lose control, I model these steps and talk out loud about looking at the chart and picking a strategy – usually it is breathing. Then I address the situation. I also do a lot of preventative work such as calling the parents within the first week with a positive about their child. I ask the parents to give me background information about their child’s likes and dislikes. We do problem solving sessions about three times a week for the first term and we use the GoNoodle Think About It and Flow activities after lunch play time.

    Reply
    1. tiebcmembers (Post author)

      My biggest trigger is my own perfectionism-things not going the way I want them to, which causes a lot of problems when my child with ADHD often has different plans! I have been doing a lot self-talk…”It’s ok is we are not at the school at exactly 8:00″ “Don’t worry! The laundry will get folded eventually!” “He has done a very good job on the bathroom-remember he is only 8,so it won’t be exactly the way you do things, but he has done his best at this moment!” and so on. This has been helping me in many different situations- making life less stressful and happier for my entire family!

      Reply
    1. tiebcmembers (Post author)

      Self-talk has been huge in my life these days! I have been working very hard at talking myself through some of my own triggers- leaving the house at a specific time, so I can be at the school by 8:00 being one of them. Even just this one small thing has made my morning times with my kids so much better!

      Reply
  2. Maureen

    My job has turned into the person called when the teacher is in their downstairs brain or when a room has been cleared because the student is a harm to self or others. I have to be regulated all day long. In order to do this, I made sure I remember to take a deep breath before I enter into any situation. I also need to remember that there is a reason for the behaviour and it’s not personal. I know that when the student is finally regulated and back with their peers, I MUST take time for myself in order to get my emotions back in line. I really understand the idea of holding it together and then having the emotions explode. I sometimes feel like that after staying calm while the child yells, screams and cries while I am saying “calm first, then . . . “.I keep reminding myself that the behaviour is telling me something and it’s up to me to listen. That’s the hard part.

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  3. Elaine

    I feel a million years behind in all of this, but I’ll get caught up!
    Weeks ago, I had this moment with a deeply traumatized 8yo child and her EA that I’ll describe & see how it jives with my peers on this form.

    Setting:
    Student is escalated and has been seen running on all 4s at lunch. (we call it the bear walk; she lopes on all 4s with amazing coordination and speed).
    At 12:50, I come to spell off her EA for a lunch break. EA transitions her to me and indicates that the student needs to go to the bathroom, which I think nothing of & allow her to do. Student enters the bathroom.
    I am one of 6 trusted adults that this little one tolerates in the school. Although I do not work with her every day, I am in her top three of preferred staff. We have a good relationship that centres around art, positive self talk and play-based learning.

    Antecedent:
    Student sees me instead of her EA upon exiting room 12 (her calming, quiet place) and entering the bathroom (right next to room 12).

    Behaviour: Student exits bathroom, looks up at me, smiles and informs me, “I peed on the floor.” I glance into the bathroom stall that she was occupying and note that she has urinated on the floor instead of using the toilet.

    Consequence: I tell the child (As I would with any learner in the school who had exhibited this behaviour), “I am calling Mom to come get you.”
    Student wants to clean up the mess and goes back into the stall, pulling tissue paper off the roll.
    Despite her insistence that I allow her to stay if she cleans up the mess, I am consistent, persistent and insistent that a child must go home if he/she is either sick on the floor or urinates on the floor. She cries. She pleads. She tries to clean up the mess, despite me asking her to come out and just be with me. I am calm. I am firm and fair. I do not waver from my decision that she is going home early today as a consequence for purposeful urination on the floor. She is able to hear me when I call her Mom. She leaves with Mom 30 minutes later, though she never left the stall until her Mom arrived to get her.

    It didn’t sit well with me.

    When she left, her very skillful EA and I debriefed. “What could we have done differently?” I asked. Both of us agree that we did everything we could have done.

    But – it didn’t sit well with me. So that night, I went home and read “Stay out of Oz.”

    When I got to the chapter “Be the Good Witch”, I had an epiphany. ‘How am I feeling about this student and her behaviour? How can I respond in a way that supports this student instead of reacting emotionally to his or her choices? What do I need at this time to stay focused on the needs of the student?” I wrote in the margins, “Oh no, I did it wrong! :-(”

    Question 4 prompted me to ask myself, “What does this student need from you to regulate and move back into her upstairs brain?” I wrote Calmness. Understanding. Distraction?

    When I sent her home, she thought it was punishment for the behaviour. At the time, I thought it was a logical consequence, but the more I read and reflect, the more I know that what works for non-traumatized kids does NOT work for this little one. She didn’t come back to school for days. When she did come back, her EA told me she wouldn’t use the bathroom for the whole day. It’s amazing how fragile these bonds with our traumatized children are.

    The next day, I knew to keep her close. I told her, “I trust you to be safe in the bathroom. I love you. I’m so glad you’re back. Would you like to draw?”

    And we spent the next 30 minutes repairing our relationship.

    I haven’t had time to read chapter 5 yet, but shutting my mouth and taking a breath seem sensible and long overdue.

    I’m evolving my practice incrementally. I wish I had all the answers. I wish I knew how to be what she needs, when she needs it.

    Until then, I’m just trying to let her know I care.
    And I’m safe.
    And I’m glad she’s part of our community.

    e.

    Reply
    1. tiebcmembers (Post author)

      Wow! What a learning journey you had in such a short time Elaine! It is amazing how fragile relationships are to those who have experienced trauma! It is also amazing how difficult it is to navigate through the correct ways to deal with their behaviours that is both appropriate for the actions yet appropriate for the student. It is also so difficult to navigate through the situation when the consequence for a behaviour has been told to the student body-sometimes it is important for others to know that we follow through, but at other times, it is more important to bend the rules for a certain few. I know I probably would have done the same thing in the moment. I do believe that you have done the right thing in repairing the relationship and letting her know that you are still a safe adult in her life. That you do care. That you are there for her. It is important that you give yourself permission to make those mistakes! Keep up your excellent learning journey!

      Reply
  4. Rhonda

    Your writing has me so engaged! It’s like when I used to read Torey Hayden’s books before I was a teacher. Do you have any idea why she urinated on the floor?

    Reply
    1. Elaine

      Part of me wants to say it was attention- seeking
      Part of me thinks it was trauma-brain Seeking to control people, events and inner chaos by causing a tornado.
      Part of me thinks it was a test, “if I do this, will you cast me aside?”
      I’m still learning so much from her.
      PTSD is mind blowing.

      Reply

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