Chapter 5- When in Doubt, Shut Your Mouth and Take a Breath
Such good advice! Shut Your Mouth- I need to heed this more often 🙂 Often times we escalate the problems just by talking, even if we are talking in a calm tone of voice.
“Just Breathe” is a phrase I have seen many times over that past few years. It is a phrase told to people who are grieving, to help them through difficult times. We tell it to people frequently when they are melting down. We may even tell it to ourselves when we have to deal with people who are dis-regulated, as a reminder to say calm ourselves. Our bodies and brains require oxygen to allow our systems to work properly. We know that when we are melting down or “flipping our lids” our brains are not working to their full capacity. Simply taking a few deep breaths can help get our brains back on track and thinking once again.
Pete’s Practice brings us on a journey to determine our triggers within a classroom/school setting. He also makes the comment that there triggers are going to present themselves and we shouldn’t be surprised that they are happening. What we should do is spend time preparing for them so that when the time comes, we are able to deal with them effectively and in a calm manner that does not escalate the situation further.
What inner peace activities do you do to help you when the time comes to respond to an escalated situation?
For me, simply exercising regularly is very helpful. It helps me get the tension out of my body and allows me to be flooded with oxygen and energy. Maybe following the breathing activity outlined by Kristin at least three times a week would help as well. Maybe it would center my thoughts and emotions better so that I can come to a trigger and have a better chance of making it through to the other side with all involved unscathed.
My Goal from this chapter- complete the breathing activity on Monday, Wednesday and Friday after karate or the boys are in bed. Write about how this makes you feel after 1 week, 2 weeks, etc. Try this for a month and continue if you find it has helped.
Could you write yourself a goal to help you better respond in frustrating situations?
This isn’t exactly inner peace but when the time comes to respond to an escalated situation, I fall back onto my CPI – non-violent crisis intervention – training which has come in handy many times throughout my career. My shoulders go back, my hands go flat by my sides, I put one foot in front of the other and understand that this is not about me. I love to be outside and know that this is where I get filled up in order to be able to deal with these situations. Hiking in the clean mountain air, marvelling at mother nature and enjoying the peace. To help me better respond in frustrating situations, I need to continue my own self-care. I found myself doing work – in my head – while hiking this weekend. Yikes! I would like to be more mindful while hiking in order to enjoy the hiking and thus be prepared to work at work.
One of the times when I catch myself thinking about work is usually when in the shower! That’s when I forget if I have even shampooed my hair! One thing that I really need to work on is calming myself before getting involved in escalated situations. I find that I get sucked in so easily. Taking a breath and shutting my mouth has been working well in situations with my son, helping us to have way better mornings together 🙂
When working with a student or adult in a crisis, I think I do a good job with staying calm, listening and breathing. I find myself, someitmes at a loss for words, but know that just being there for them is good enough. Through CPI training, I realized it is the debrief after the situation that is so important. Important for learning and imporant to understand how to move forward and know what you did was good enough.
I was recently in a situation where I was asked to meet with the admin team. I didn’t think anything of it as I meet with them often. I took in my notebook and pen and was ready to help with whatever it was we were going to talk about. Well the topic was me. I was shocked. I have had some changes in my life and thought I was doing okay. Apparently I wasn’t as my colleagues had noticed that I wasn’t myself. I needed time to reflect, debrief and breathe. I noticed that I wasn’t exercising as much and was out of routine. For me, having my own routine which includes exercise, helps me stay focused and help others. I guess I don’t hide as good as I think I do and I am grateful for colleagues and friends that help me listen, reflect and breathe through my own life and changing circumstances.
I had a similar situation a few years ago after my step-father passed away suddenly. We went back for the funeral where I tried to be the rock my Mom needed and when I got back home again, I went straight back into work. I did not give myself the time I needed to fully grieve my step-dad. Things at work did not go well for me. I was testy and unfocused. I really struggled to keep myself in check. Finally I decided that enough was enough. It was time to take care of myself and let myself grieve. I ended up taking off a month on a stress leave. During this time, I let myself grieve. I talked with a counselor, took time to write my feelings down and enjoyed some time with my family. It makes me realize how important it is to take care of myself in order to work with others to the best of my ability.